{"id":31,"date":"2011-03-11T01:19:00","date_gmt":"2011-03-11T01:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/matthewcochran.net\/blog\/?p=31"},"modified":"2019-03-24T07:17:29","modified_gmt":"2019-03-24T11:17:29","slug":"scary-independent-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/matthewcochran.net\/blog\/scary-independent-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Scary Independent Women?"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Boundless blog<\/a> is once again considering the difficulties of singles who are unable to find spouses.\u00a0 This time, they discuss whether men are scared of women who have careers<\/a>, secure finances, homes, and whatnot–too scared, in fact, to date and ultimately marry such women.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure why women so often perceive fear in this disinterest.\u00a0 Being independent generally means that you can meet your own needs.\u00a0 When someone claims to be “an ‘independent woman’ who desires ‘to get married and have babies,'” it places husband and children in the category of wants instead of needs–they become mere consumer goods.\u00a0 Most men need to be a more significant part of a marriage.\u00a0 This need puts men in an impossible dilemma if they want to marry an independent woman:\u00a0 to either be a mere accessory she’d like to have around or to put her in a position where she makes herself less than she is–to make her put on a show of needing him even though she really doesn’t.\u00a0 Neither of these options are good, and a man is wise to avoid the dilemma.<\/p>\n

The problem is one of categorization.\u00a0 For those who are not <\/strong>called to singleness, marriage is a need–not just a want.\u00a0 More common is the error of elevating a want to a need and pursuing it to the detriment of other, more-important things.\u00a0 However, there is an opposite error of demoting a need to a want.\u00a0 Sometimes we do this in order to spare ourselves suffering–to make our lack less cutting than it is.\u00a0 We can certainly survive without marriage more than we can survive without other needs like water or food.\u00a0 However, human living is not just about physical survival;\u00a0 those called to marriage really need <\/strong>it.\u00a0 That’s why it hurts so badly when we don’t have it.\u00a0 That is why we are so deeply tempted to seek out counterfeits like illicit sexual relationships.\u00a0 That is why we are tempted to minimize its importance.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this minimization only masks the need rather than solving it, and it makes us less than we were called to be.<\/p>\n

Where does that leave the independent woman?\u00a0 Her alternative is become more<\/em> than independent–to expand her horizons and set her sights on accomplishing higher things that she’s incapable of doing on her own.\u00a0 Most people can sit in a cubicle and make Power-point presentations on their own without much trouble.\u00a0 Freely sharing a life and raising the next generation of humanity is a little tougher.<\/p>\n

Of course that would mean that she’s no longer independent–her needs render her dependent on a man (or on God if she’s called to celibacy). She might have money and shelter in her single years, but her deepest needs would be unfulfilled until she finds him. That would, of course, lead to intense suffering. The longer those single years are, the more suffering there would be.\u00a0 That would cause a lot of people to shy away from it, but I’m not sure when suffering in pursuit of doing good became something Christians avoided instead of embraced.<\/p>\n

It’s risky, sure, but what’s romance unless you’re helpless against your partner? Love & marriage is no place for self-achieved safety. After all, it wasn’t exactly safe for God to love us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Boundless blog is once again considering the difficulties of singles who are unable to find spouses. This time, they discuss whether men are scared of women who have careers, secure finances, homes, and whatnot–too scared, in fact, to date and ultimately marry such women. 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