{"id":186,"date":"2011-09-28T10:07:19","date_gmt":"2011-09-28T14:07:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/matthewcochran.net\/blog\/?p=186"},"modified":"2019-03-24T07:17:27","modified_gmt":"2019-03-24T11:17:27","slug":"lets-remain-pure-oops-were-having-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/matthewcochran.net\/blog\/lets-remain-pure-oops-were-having-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Let’s Remain Pure. Oops, We’re Having Sex!"},"content":{"rendered":"

An upcoming article in Relevant magazine is making the blogosphere rounds already (e.g., CNN <\/a>& First Thoughts<\/a>).\u00a0 It would seem that multiple studies are indicating that despite all efforts by the Church, most young Christians simply are not waiting until marriage.\u00a0 This should be saddening, but it should not be particularly surprising.<\/p>\n

The middle-class American coupling system has two basic imperatives:\u00a0 1) Do not get married until you are established in a career (which itself must follow receipt of both a high school diploma and bachelor’s degree).\u00a0 2)\u00a0 In the meantime, one should date–spend copious amounts of time alone with members of the opposite sex selected primarily on the basis of physical attraction for the purposes of enjoying romantic feelings and having fun together.\u00a0 Gee, I wonder what kind of fun they’ll have?\u00a0 Christians should not be surprised that adding a third imperative, “don’t have sex until you’re married,” makes little difference in the outcome.\u00a0 No matter how well it’s put or how many purity rings it’s accompanied by, it’s still like saying “run straight at that concrete wall without stopping” and then adding “but don’t hurt yourself.”\u00a0 If it actually works, it’s a fluke.\u00a0 In the same way, sheer willpower is simply no match for the entirety of one’s biology and culture when resisting sexual temptation.<\/p>\n

Though this reality has lead the secular world to suggest that Biblical rules about sexuality are obsolete and should be discarded in the face of modern sexual culture, faithful Christians need to embrace the opposite conclusion:\u00a0 modern sexual culture is obsolete and should be discarded in the face of Biblical rules about sexuality.<\/p>\n

I’m not suggesting Christians spend more time complaining about sex on TV or condom distribution in school (not that these aren’t legitimate complaints). \u00a0 I’m making the more radical suggestion that Christians need to start questioning the two basic coupling rules of American culture instead of teaching them to their children.\u00a0 With respect to the first rule, the typical rite of K-12->college->career->marriage needs to be rearranged or rethought so that marriage can come earlier.\u00a0 For example, given the increasingly shrinking return on investment provided by higher education, it seems increasingly foolish that it should be allowed to categorically delay marriage.\u00a0 With respect to the second rule, dating has proven to be a very poor method of finding appropriate spouses.\u00a0 Sexual chemistry is great, but it is not the only important feature of a lifelong marriage.\u00a0 It also tends to hide those other features from sight.\u00a0 Other cultures in history have had other coupling methods; perhaps we should begin looking at these and adapting them for our own use.<\/wbr><\/p>\n

Rethinking our customs must go deeper than the typical practice of accepting our culture wholesale and then trying to slap a “no ding-ding before the wedding ring” sticker on the side of it.\u00a0 The evidence is in; this approach has failed.\u00a0 There is therefore no excuse for harming the next generation by perpetuating it.\u00a0 This is no small task, but it is nevertheless the task given to us. The solution Paul provides to sexual temptation is marriage (1 Cor 7:2), so we ought to work to make marriage available to the tempted.<\/p>\n

Here the objections begin to fly among those protestants who misunderstand Sola Scriptura:\u00a0 “The Bible doesn’t tell us how to get married–only that premarital sex is wrong!\u00a0 It’s legalistic to tell young men and women that they shouldn’t date or that they should get married sooner!”\u00a0 It is true enough that the Bible doesn’t provide a flowchart for coupling.\u00a0 Nevertheless, that doesn’t preclude us using our Biblically-informed brains to provide assistance for navigating this part of life.\u00a0 Such navigation is what culture and tradition are for in the first place–they are tools to help us live life well.\u00a0 Christians know (or at least should know) that living well entails living chastely and decently.\u00a0 If our customs have become a hindrance to this end, then parents are morally obligated to reject them and attempt to provide better customs for their children.\u00a0 Stubborn insistence on disproven methodology is pure foolishness–something that is<\/em> explicitly condemned in Scripture (see, for example, pretty much the entire book of Proverbs).<\/p>\n

There are any number of ways to appropriately couple.\u00a0 Nevertheless, an infinitude of appropriate ways does not imply that no inappropriate ways exist.\u00a0 Identifying and rejecting such ways is not legalism; it is wisdom–something I encourage Christian parents to both pray for and practice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An upcoming article in Relevant magazine is making the blogosphere rounds already (e.g., CNN & First Thoughts).\u00a0 It would seem that multiple studies are indicating that despite all efforts by the Church, most young Christians simply are not waiting until … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,30,23],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nLet's Remain Pure. Oops, We're Having Sex! - The 96th Thesis<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/matthewcochran.net\/blog\/lets-remain-pure-oops-were-having-sex\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Let's Remain Pure. 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