A Change I Can Do Without

“What if Three Weekends Can Change Your Life?”

That’s the bold question asked by a postcard I received last week announcing a local church’s grand opening.  Because I think curiosity should be punished, I decided to read the details on the other side where it explained the question in greater depth:

What if, during the first three weekends in [church’s] expanded and fully renovated space, you and your family had the chance to learn:

  • How to Celebrate Life’s Wins
  • How to Have the Best Thanksgiving Ever
  • How to Have a High Immunity Household

We promise:  these three weekends CAN forever change your life.

And to think…  all I got from my church these past three weekends was the forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation. Boy, I sure missed out.

“But Matt,” one might respond, “You can’t reach unbelievers the unchurched seekers by using weird theological language like that.  They would neither know nor care what you mean.”  Well, I have no idea what a “High Immunity Household” is or what business a church has telling me how to have one, so if that’s what they were going for, they still missed the boat.  If they’re going to use obscure terminology that no one understands anyway, it might as well have something to do with their religion–whatever that is.

Oh, and they also advertised their “newly expanded Children’s Environments” that are open during each service.  After all, if would be crazy to think that Jesus actually wants the little children to come to him.  My attitude on the recent development of “children’s church” is, of course, that Christians have always had children’s church–we just called it “church.”  Going another mile down that road and sequestering children (up to 5th grade!) in an “environment” instead of church is a whole new level of foolishness.

Then again, given their approach to changing people’s lives, they haven’t sold me on the idea that their adults are in church either.

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One Response to A Change I Can Do Without

  1. Pingback: Father Knows Best: Early December Edition | Patriactionary

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